Post Holiday Hoopla

Finding Myself

Christmas 2011 082
So.  I've decided that this year is going to be a year of personal development.  I'm not really sure what that means yet, but I do know it means working more on myself and less on other people.  I tend to go "all in" with things that demand my attention, and for the last eleven plus years, that's been my kids, often to the detriment of myself.  Not that I have any regrets.  I'm thrilled with how my children are developing and I'm glad I did what I did, but the reality of the situation of child rearing has begun to sink in. And the reality is that, eventually, your children leave, like, for good. . . and then what?  Granted the last one isn't leaving the nest for, oh, something like 15 more years, but I'm thinking that perhaps it would be wise to have some sort of plan.  When I think about all of my children in school all day, which is only a few years away, my mind goes blank and I start to get a small panicky feeling in the middle of my chest that says, "You need to figure out what you're going to be doing THEN."  I run a small daycare out of my house.  I like it and I'm good at it, but I started doing it so that I could be home for my kids, and once they're all in school all day, I'm not sure I'm going to want to keep doing it.  This thought adds to the panicky feeling in my chest and further pushes me to want to try and figure out some things.  Hmmm. . . hmm. . . hmm.  I don't know.  It's a good thing I have some time to think about it.  You can come along with me on this process of self-discovery.  Hopefully, it'll be a fun ride.


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