Nana's House
Dressing Up

Ten

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See this girl.  She's ten now.  She had just turned five in this photo.  That was yesterday.  A blink of an eye.  Seemingly so close to me I feel like I can just reach out and touch it.  I remember that, until the preschool halloween party, she wanted to be an astronaut.  Then she found out all the girls were going to be fairies and princesses.  Even here she looks slightly resigned, a little reluctant.  If you knew her now, you'd know she's no fairy.  She likes rocks and animals and the color blue.  I love this photo of her because I feel like she's baring her soul.  She's asking me.  Is it okay that I gave in this one time and went with the crowd.  I gave in and did the fairy thing, are you disappointed? 

I want to tell her, that it's hard to stand up and be who you're really meant to be and it takes all of us a long time to figure it all out.  Don't worry, five years from now you'll be a little closer to finding yourself.  You'll be strong and graceful and funny and beautiful and brilliant and loving and everything I'd ever hoped you would be.  I look at this photo and feel how blindingly fast it went and wonder at what five years from now will hold for her and for me as her mother. 

At fifteen I had fallen in love for the first time and had my heart broken.  I spent far too much time in the bathroom in front of the mirror and on the phone talking to boys or talking to friends about boys.  I was quite emotional and melodramatic.  I was nasty to my mother.  Oooohhhh. . . I'm so not ready for that.  

I'll take ten. 

Ten is still little. . .  in a way. . . right? 

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The teenager is in there.  Can't you just see her?  Waiting for just the right moment to show herself.

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