The Nesting House

Finding Myself

So.  I've decided that this year is going to be a year of personal development.  I'm not really sure what that means yet, but I do know it means working more on myself and less on other people.  I tend to go "all in" with things that demand my attention, and for the last eleven plus years, that's been my kids, often to the detriment of myself.  Not that I have any regrets.  I'm thrilled with how my children are developing and I'm glad I did what I did, but the reality of the situation of child rearing has begun to sink in. And the reality is that, eventually, your children leave, like, for good. . . and then what?  Granted the last one isn't leaving the nest for, oh, something like 15 more years, but I'm thinking that perhaps it would be wise to have some sort of plan.  When I think about all of my children in school all day, which is only a few years away, my mind goes blank and I start to get a small panicky feeling in the middle of my chest that says, "You need to figure out what you're going to be doing THEN."  I run a small daycare out of my house.  I like it and I'm good at it, but I started doing it so that I could be home for my kids, and once they're all in school all day, I'm not sure I'm going to want to keep doing it.  This thought adds to the panicky feeling in my chest and further pushes me to want to try and figure out some things.  Hmmm. . . hmm. . . hmm.  I don't know.  It's a good thing I have some time to think about it.  You can come along with me on this process of self-discovery.  Hopefully, it'll be a fun ride.

Post Holiday Hoopla

After all of the Holiday Hoopla, I'm taking a much needed break and trying to catch up on my very long reading list.  Jane Austen is a favorite, and I haven't read Emma since college, so I thought I'd give her a go again.  Really, I highly recommend re-reading classics that you haven't read since college.  You have a completely different take on things as an adult.  I'm finding it quite interesting.

We will have to wait and see what this year has ahead for us.  I'm hoping to blog more often, but I won't make any promises.  Here's to a healthy and happy 2012.

I Need to Tell You

She's three here.

She was four here.

Six here.

Then I blinked.

Now, yesterday, at 10:10 am she turned eleven.  I'm feeling a little melancholy about it.  I feel like I'm on the very edge of saying goodbye to her childhood.  I say this because I know at twelve everything can change for a young girl.  I fell in love for the first time at twelve.  And I know, I know.  Everyone says, "Oh, puppy love. A first crush. Isn't that cute."  As an adult, though, I can look back and say, no, I really loved him.  I loved the essence of that boy, his spirit, his soul, who he was at that moment.  And, although it's nothing compared to the love you have for a spouse, someone you build a life with, create children with; it was "real" love.  And I'm not ready to watch her go there yet.  There is so much I want to say, so much I want her to know before her heart gets opened up that way, before she gives a piece of her heart away forever.

I need to say that.  That you give a piece of yourself away when you really love someone so gaurd your heart carefully.  Every boy isn't worthy of you.  Examine their character.  Is he respectful of the other girls in your class or group of friends?  Does he respect his mother?  If a boy doesn't respect his mother he's never going to respect you. 

I need to say that alot of girls in middle school are mean.  That's just how it is.  What you learn, though, as you get older, is that those girls aren't who you want to be friends with anyway.  You seem to be pretty good at recognizing that already.  I'm hoping it stays with you.  You want to find friends that build you up, friends that want what's best for you and rejoice in your accomplishments.  You want to be around people that make you want to be a better person, kids that are working hard to be the best they can be.

I need to say that being smart is a gift.  Don't hide it.  Don't pretend you don't know something you do just to make other people feel smarter, especially boys.  Being beat out by a smart girl will just make those boys work even harder, anyway, it'll be good for them.  Learn as much as you can about as many different things as you can managae.  It will help you to serve the world better.  Because that's really what this journey is all about.  Becoming the best human being you can be so that you can help the rest of the world be the best that it can be.  If you do the work within yourself you will be better able to help others.

Don't forget your faith.  God loves you and is always there for you, even in the difficult teenage years to come.  If you read your bible and look for the answers to the difficult life questions you come upon, you will find them there.  He's there and always listening.  He's the love in your heart and the love in the world that gives people hope and helps them to find their way in the dark when they're lost.  He's there in the first breath a baby takes, in the drops of dew on the grass in the morning, and in the quiet rustle of leaves in the forest.  Listen.  Listen with your heart and you will hear Him.

Faith, Love, Knowledge, Service and Family.  Don't forget Family.  Because as I always say, "Family is everything."  And what I mean by that isn't that family is more important than those other things but that that's where you will find all of those things if you look for them.

Last but not least:  Brush you teeth.  They're the only set you've got.    

Well, that about sums it up.  Am I ready for her to be a teenager?  Nope.  At least I've got a few more years or . . . 730 days . . . not that I'm counting or anything.  I'm not that crazy.

Enjoying My Break

 
Where's the blog?  People are asking.  Where have you been?  Are you letting it go? 

The short answer is no.  I love my blog.  Even in its neglected state.

However,  after a long and somewhat difficult year with three small ones in my care under three.  I have been enjoying a very long deep exhale.  And I have been relishing these moments with my own children.  Moments where I am not distracted and worried about the quality of care I am providing other people's children and only concerned for the happiness of my own.  It has been soooo nice.  And helps me to center myself again and prepare for another fun adventurous year.  This summer, I have been particularly aware of the sun slowly starting to set on my oldest daughter's childhood.  Soon, before I know it really, she will be a teenager and these little girl days will be over.  I am not ready for that.  And so, this summer, I'm spending alot of time just appreciating where my children are at, in this moment, and trying not to dwell too much on what is coming down the line. 

So.  The blog has been neglected.  And I'm okay with that.  There will be snippets of time here and there.

But.  I can never get back these days with the girls.  Once they're gone they're gone.  So, I'm going to go back to sucking the marrow out of life and I'll see you later.  Maybe tomorrow.  Maybe next week.  We'll see. . .

 
 

The Sweater in Use.

 
I love it love it.  And the best part of all, she does too!  Of course, now the other girls want one.  Oh my poor hands.

 
I've got another sweater in the works for my sweet peach.  Photos soon (fingers crossed).  And the name of the yarn color?  Pop rocks!  Is that perfect or what?

Too Soon Seven

 
Really.  Wasn't it just yesterday I wrote about her sixth birthday?  Sometimes I'm just sick about how fast time goes by.  I wish, sometimes, that I could convey this somehow to all the new parents out there that can't wait for their baby to crawl, can't wait for their baby to sleep through the night, can't wait for their baby to walk, talk, use the potty!  It'll all happen soon enough, I wan't to tell them.  Soon enough, they will be these independent little people that, sometimes, barely need you at all.  I look at this little person and am amazed at all of her personality I see in that face that's already in there.  You have so much less control over who your children become than you think.  There's so much of who they are that's already decided. Doesn't this baby face already look at you like, "Don't think I'm a push-over, lady, I can hold my ground!"  That's my peach.  Wary, cautious, sceptical of people's motivations, but strong-willed with a firey temper, and generous to a fault, eager to help, loving, and thoughtful.  I can see all of that just looking at that sweet baby face.

I hope I haven't made too many mistakes.  My middle child.  Always feeling too big or too small.  Aware of every small slight no matter how unintentioned.  The score keeper.  I hope as time goes on that you realize you are the glue that keeps things together.  You pull your big sister out of her shell and make her be social, you tease your baby sister to let her know she's not the bees knees.  You love color and design and your Mommy loves to take you shopping because you notice all the details and want to stay and look just as long as I do.  You feel things so big and deep and remind us all to be more sensitive to the injustices in the world.  You add the spice to our lives.  I love you, Peach. 

 

New Technology

There are some things that I resist by digging my feet in and yelling at the top of my lungs, "No! No! No!" Just like a two year old. Technology, for the most part, is one of them. I have resisted the whole "smart phone" thing for quite awhile now. I've seen how it can take over people's lives and I didn't want to become someone that always has their face in a phone. Recently, though, curiosity has gotten the better of me. So here I am, updating my blog on a phone. I honestly never thought it would come to this. The apps., though, the apps. got me in the end. I mean, come on, isn't this photo so cool!

Like mother like daughter, right!

Note to Self

 
Note to Self:  You would really be happier if you would organize this shelving unit in the playroom better.  You know, make it nicer to look at. . . tidy it up a bit. . . throw some things away.  You stare at it all day long and it makes you want to gouge your eyeballs out.   The fabric strips have been sitting up on top there for a year.  Either make the darn quilt or hire someone that will.   Deal with it and life will look brighter.  In fact, this whole room could use some help.  Idea:  Ask Lizzie to come over and leave her alone in the room for, oh, a few hours.  Tell her you have to run to the store for some milk.  It might work.

 
 
Your dining table is not a permanent storage solution!  (Yes, we eat dinner in the playroom.  Don't ask.  It's a small house.)  Consider these before photos.  I'm in a serious decluttering mood.  I'm drowning in kid "stuff" (polite term) and need to dig my way out before it's just a lost cause and I need to call the POD people.  Stay tuned.

New Fav.

 
Totally store bought, but hey it's awesome.  And it would take me like six hundred years to knit this myself.  So sometimes, it's money well spent.  My Mother wanted a photo.  So, here it is in all it's glory.  My new favorite thing that I promise to try not to wear everyday.  Even though I have it on right this minute and wore it like. . .  oh. . .  yesterday.

Winter in Minnesota

 
Inspired to knit this sweater by my favorite blogger Alicia Paulson.  So close to being done . . . my fingers are just itching to finish it.  Alas, so little knitting time in my day, and, frankly, too many projects on the needles at once.  Although, I did finish my brother's hat.  Even if I didn't manage to get it in the mail yet.  Sorry Josh!  If I could just get my kiddos to pretend I'm on vacation. . . hmmm. . .  there's got to be a way to make that happen.  It makes me think of that minivan commercial where the mom has "time-outs" in the driveway in her bathrobe with her coffee and fuzzy slippers.  I can't tell you how many times I've thought of that!